Heavens Eye » Passion is the catalyst towards creativity

What’s in your tool bag?

Thursday, July 1, 2010 Posted in Inspire, My Thoughts

For all you couples…or people wondering what it takes to have a successful relationship….when was the last time that you gathered tools to help make a great relationship? Where do you get them? Is your marriage thriving or is it in a numb state? Is the only thing left in your relationship, the memory (a shadow of the happier selves) of what you both used to be? “I don’t know who he is anymore…he’s not the man I married (or started dating), she’s changed.” Well what did you do personally to stay interested in the person he was becoming? Is it LUCK what Jake and I have?

Luck…Schmuck! Let’s look at what we are all attracted to in the beginning…
We love the chase. Respect. Genuine interest in each other and all that we are made up of. Trust. Excitement. All those butterflies in our stomach. Of course it is exciting for another human being to point out everything amazing about us and love us unconditionally. Then why the heck do we work so hard at pointing out all our flaws, and put conditions on our love? It takes a lot of unconscious work to break down a relationship, but what if it took a lot less work to wake up and make it grow from the beginning?

I know I am asking a lot of questions and not giving any answers…where the heck am I going with this:) Well, I just don’t think there is enough talk about healthy marriages and I believe that if you are mindful about your marriage, then you can’t help but be mindful in SO many other aspects of your life. When looking at your relationship, we should have a tool in our bags (maybe a shock collar) to remind us that every time we are quick to say, “he doesn’t do this…he’s this…she’s that…” that we are looking towards the wrong solution. WE ARE THE SOLUTION! And we are the problem. We have to learn to take a step back and see what it is that we are putting into the relationship.What is OUR part?

What if I told you that after watching you interact in your relationship for only 15 minutes, that I could predict with a 98% accuracy whether or not it would end in divorce over the 15 years? O.K. I totally couldn’t with my tools, but Dr. John Gottman could. Yes, this is the same guy that we went to Seattle for a marriage workshop for a few months back. Well, his studies popped up in a book that I am reading called Blink. It got me thinking again about all those people around me that tell me that Jake and I are lucky. Well, if by luck you mean, we don’t talk down to each other EVER…then yes, we have created the luckiest relationship in the world;) Gottman says that the #1 killer of a marriage is the presence of contempt. If he observes on or more partners in the marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the single more important sign that a marriage is in trouble.
Contempt….
1 a : the act of despising : the state of mind of one who despises : disdain b : lack of respect or reverence for something
2 : the state of being despised
He also believes that the presence of contempt can also predict how many colds you get…which in turn proves that the stress from these negative emotions breaks down the immune system. That is easy enough for us to understand, right. Well, I instantly think about another angle of this. I don’t have an ounce of contempt in my marriage and yet my immune system has had a breakdown. What if I take a minute to look at my relationship with myself? Holy shit….I have had despise before over the state of my body. I have talked down to myself on regularly scheduled occasions. My lack of respect for myself at times is overwhelming to think about. When I look at my relationship with myself in these terms, it is easy for me to see that I have to be WAY more mindful about loving myself and repairing the damage! Good thing I have recently found new tools to talk to myself which will help in this repairing process. I have the ultimate payoff in my marriage…that Jake and I have created the safest place possible to explore our relationship with ourselves. To be able to strip down to the most vulnerable selves and begin to heal. I know that Jake can’t do any of this hard work for me, but he is quite possibly the #1 coach and cheerleader I could have ever attracted for myself. Thank you Jake for being the Quan! I fall harder and harder for you each day. Because you have shown me an unconditional love in our marriage, you have helped me to fall in love with myself. I am more mindful of the love in my heart for the first time in my life and I am beyond excited about the journey before me. Thank you for being you! Thank me for being me;)

by kathycarlisle

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July 2, 2010 - 12:46 am Aaron :) - Holy Crap!! of course! I was walking through borders only yesterday and that book "randomly" 5 eisles away caught my eye and i picked it up decided not to get it but said to myself that if it came into my life again i would have to go back and get it!! CRAZY?? I think not ;) that's for letting me hang with you today :) your friendship means the world to me! :)

Raising Carlisle’s

Friday, June 25, 2010 Posted in My Thoughts, The Carlisle's

Recently a friend of mine wrote me an e-mail that lit up my soul. I wanted to share parts of it because it is an aspect of mine and Jake’s life that we are very proud of. People are continually commenting on how well behaved our kids are. I usually pass it off with a thank you and walk away with a proud feeling. But I wanted to spend some time on these emotions and accomplishments. I do believe that our kids are a reflection of our fruits of labor…but most of the time, parenting doesn’t feel like labor at all. We have a lot of fun in our family and there is ALWAYS laughter present. Here’s some snippets of my friend’s e-mail…

“I watch you and Jake with your kids and see how well behaved they are, how they listen to you both, how they play with each other and can only hope our family ends up like yours. So I am asking for your feedback and input with how you raise your kids. How’d you do it? How do you parent/teach/guide and when and how do you correct bad behavior/poor decisions? What experiences have you had that we can draw from? Obviously we will continue to be the best parents we can be and learn ourselves but it’s always nice to ask for help or advice along the way.”

My response…
“My heart is so FULL from this kind e-mail. I have been thinking about this a lot and I think I have come up with the answer:) For Jake and I it all comes down to our marriage. I am pretty sure that this is the secret to being the best parent that you can be. The more time and effort we put into helping each other grow and loving each other in new ways, the more our kids reflect this love back to us.
I feel like a lot of the times people find their purpose in life and identity when they have children. That’s great…but at some point you are always brought back to the drawing board where you are forced to look beyond that title. Maybe the kids don’t meet your expectations, or they hurt you or each other…whatever. You are then forced to look at yourself and I think the difference comes from what you say to yourself in those moments. They are little individuals with their own amazing lives in front of them and the only thing Jake and I can do is give them tools. How and when they choose to use them will be entirely up to them.
As for disciplining…I think the most important thing that Jake and I have been conscious of is being on the same team! We have never played good cop/bad cop. We back each other up no matter what. Also, we are both quick to say that we are sorry and talk through the wrongs and rights. I always apologize for yelling or having to discipline if I am out of line and lost my patience. We are pretty stern with our kids and a lot of the time I feel like we are literally side by side correcting behavior. I don’ think that the details of ‘how’ we parent are as important as the overall big picture. LOVE. We focus on the good and build them up every opportunity we have. We are vulnerable in front of them. We are quick to point out our flaws and tell stories of how we screwed up. And we let them FEEL. We try not to tell them that they are wrong in what they feel….but there is usually a better way to handle those feelings.
I don’t know that this answers your question…I think what you want to know is whether or not you’re doing things the ‘right’ way….and of course you are. You are living your life just how you are suppose too. Everything is in your life for a reason. Just don’t lose your ability to grow and to be curious. These two tools may be the most important in your parenting life and your marriage. Change is good…and you can choose to be anyone you want to be at any given time. If you show your family that you support their changes no matter what that may be, they will always support yours!
It means the world to me that you wrote this and I am so proud that you would ask my advice. I don’t feel like I have anything figured out…I am always learning and change has become a welcomed friend. I just know that I don’t just love my family….I am IN love.”

So let’s recap…suggestion #1 from my experiences…FOCUS ON YOUR MARRIAGE. Be that supportive spouse that stays curious about the smallest of changes that your sig. other tries out. If you can find the curiosity in a marriage it will be easy-peesy with parenting. That way when they walk through the door with a new piercing, or tat with their love one’s name on their boob, you are quicker to say, “I see you…tell me about this” rather than “what the hell are you thinking, this isn’t you!”

Suggestion #2…Open arms, open mind, open heart. You have to stay open to change in life if you are craving positive changes and growth. Who’s to say what someone’s potential is or how far they can spread their wings? We don’t like it when people put limitations on us, so why does it come so naturally to that parenting voice in us. Or telling our spouse that their dream is unrealistic. Let them grow into the people that they are meant to be. Only they can know what that looks like and how far they will go!

Suggestion #3… Add a dog into your family:) It brings someone into the mix that you can all discipline together and love together!

Suggestion #4…Desire…a sense of longing or hoping…wish, fancy, fantasy; want, need, exigency. I think there is a ton of room for desire within a family, but it takes a conscious mind and curiosity to crave it. Not to mention, learning how to have hopes and desires without expectations. Dream together. Be vulnerable together. That is the recipe for soulfood within a family!

Suggestion #5…and finally…did I mention…WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE;) Yeah it’s that important in my book.
Drop a love letter in the mail ….thanks for the amazing pic Tré-Baby:)
Jump up on his hip in public…WHO CARES!!! Just learn how to let go together. Help each other to find that courage to be anything you want to be.
Turn date night into a night where you try to find new tools of communication…don’t just consider a movie and dinner, “working on your marriage”. When was the last time you checked in with his/her “favorites” or dreams?
Read a book together.
Show your kids that showing affection never dies. Be the example of a marriage (and happiness) that you want for them one day….no matter what journey they take to get there.
Have friends over one night and actually talk beneath the surface…what are their dreams together? What are their struggles? Why don’t we talk more about marriages as a society when things are going good, instead of focusing on when they go bad. One day we are beyond curious about everything that makes our spouse the person they are, and then the next, we are saying…”yeah, but they have changes!” Well, no shit, they changed. At what point did you stop caring? The curiosity will fade if you don’t have any tools in the communication bag.

By no means do I think that Jake and I have this marriage and parenting thing perfected…or even figured out…but I do know that the journey is a beautiful one that is worth sharing and celebrating. I also know that we are right where we are suppose to be and I am in love with every second of it:)

Take a second to think about something that you are craving in your our marriage….now go give it to your spouse!
Take another second to figure out what that little child in you is craving…now go give it to your child! Tell them why you are proud of them and why you are proud of yourself. Just talk. They want to be seen and heard….and mainstream doesn’t leave a lot of time for either of those simple acts!

by kathycarlisle

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June 25, 2010 - 1:23 pm lroah - Fabulous post. You amaze me. :)

June 25, 2010 - 5:32 pm Amy - oh how I love this...it teaches me, it gives me positive feedback and reassurance in my own family, I love the tools you share!

June 28, 2010 - 3:17 pm Lindsey Viersen - Such a beautiful testimony of a beautiful family!

Talent Show

Tuesday, June 15, 2010 Posted in The Carlisle's

Oh yeah…it’s what you have all been waiting for…or at least Jalena has:) We missed her talent show this year and our compromise was that I told her that I would put her on my blog. I’m pretty sure that she thinks she is going to famous from this now. I am so proud of all the hard work she puts into to everything she does and I know that she is very proud of herself. Enjoy this little taste of what’s it’s like to live with a rockstar;) Stay tuned (or fast forward) for the credits at the end. It was a family affair and she didn’t get to the top alone. She has a dedicated team that loves and supports her in life:) Too fun!

by kathycarlisle

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June 15, 2010 - 10:42 pm amanda - It won't play :(

June 15, 2010 - 11:32 pm kathycarlisle - Try now:)

June 16, 2010 - 7:18 am Britt - oh, that so made my morning. her choreography is off the heezy!!! absolutely. positively. LOVED IT!! ....especially when she breaks from the soulful singing into the more freestyle rap. this was better than great. the smile i have right now is guaranteed to last the rest of the day! Thanks J! You're famous in my eyes!!!

June 16, 2010 - 8:05 am Elle J - Totally headed for fame ~ too cute! She and her crew Rocks!!!

June 16, 2010 - 12:10 pm Miranda - Mattea and I just watched this and we loved it! Mattea said "I want to be like her!" I am pretty sure you have found your biggest fan Jalena:)Great job and we love the rap...

June 16, 2010 - 4:10 pm Jake - My baby girl makes me smile?

June 16, 2010 - 7:33 pm amysurface7@comcast.net - amy says: i love her! that was so fun and i'm diggin her moves emilie says: i love jalena jack says: she's so great

June 17, 2010 - 1:35 am Murph - This rocked my day!!!!! WOW...... I have met this rock star.. in person even ~!!!!!! I'll be watching for more ;} Love you !!!

June 17, 2010 - 10:17 am Eryn - LUDA! Ha! I loved the rap. Off the chain Lu.

June 17, 2010 - 12:20 pm amy - I feel so special to have seen this before the production! She is a star, it's in the genes!! She got it from her mama! ;)

June 17, 2010 - 12:22 pm amy - eta: um the credits had me in stiches!!

June 18, 2010 - 6:06 pm Jo - Jalena, can I pre-order my CD? Please?????? YOU TOTALLY ROCK!

June 21, 2010 - 3:45 pm Erin - Wow! Loved it! :)

June 22, 2010 - 3:05 pm Shyla - solidifies the Carlisles as my favorite family ever. haha Well done my darling Jalena.

June 24, 2010 - 12:10 pm Willow - big, HUGE smile :)

Jump!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010 Posted in My Thoughts, The Carlisle's

“We flood our minds with words! They mesmerize and manipulate us, masking the truth even when its set down squarely in front of us. To discover the underlying reality, I’ve learned to listen only to the action.” (Judith M. Knowlton)

The other day we went to Ft. Vancouver with Jamie’s preschool class and it was a blast! They did so well sitting through the explanations, the labels, and the teaching….but to see them hit that open field….WOW! I am fascinated by kids’ ability to live in the moment when they come across such an empty canvas. There was no question as to what they were going to do. They ran, jumped, fell, spun, screamed, laughed and not one of them thought it through first. We got them to sit still for a second while I tried to get a shot of all of them in a line…but then the lesson came….Why are you trying to hold them down…let them be free? “O.K. now jump! 1,2,3…jump.” Of course they weren’t going to be able to do it together:) So I just kept telling them over and over and they painted the most beautiful picture before my very eyes….I call it “Jumping for Joy”. This is what joy looks like to a 5 year old:)

And these pictures were taken in one of the preserved houses in the fort. The first thing I thought of was how much we have complicated so much about our lives. Yes, we have better science now and faster ways of doing things and everything is so far advanced….but there is just something in me that craves simplicity right now. My medicine cabinet is starting to look a lot more like this instead of little brown bottles that have Mr. Yucks all over them.

And I hope that my kitchen continues to get more and more simplified as I weed through new thought patterns about what real food is and what our bodies crave. Keeping out the boxes of processed habits, and bringing in more glass containers that hold true nourishment for my healthy body! The kitchen tools that I have accumulated and love however, will not be looking more like the kitchens of the 1800’s;) I love my Pampered chef items and my electric stove. I’ll save the brick ovens for the pizzerias is the area.

I can’t believe I have never been to the Fort until now! There were so many pic opportunities, my mind was on overload! Oh, and the kids had a blast too;)

And you know we just had to see a heart appear on such a wonderful day filled with love. Jamie wanted to make sure that I was getting it in the shot….yep, I got it Jame:) lol

Speaking of wetting my pants… I told Jamie to show the girls what you are suppose to do in a outhouse that they were turning into a girls fort vs. a boys fort. Apparently, they had never been in one…but, Jame was all over it! He even got into the ‘Thinker’ pose and taught some boys how to execute the look once they came into the boy’s side:)

I’d say all in all, it was a perfectly, perfect day that I LOVED spending with my little man!

Now go find a field and just run. Run if its sunny. Run if it’s rainy….just go run and throw your hands up in the air and laugh. Just see what happens….I’m guessing you’ll find JOY in the simple excercise!

by kathycarlisle

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June 9, 2010 - 11:14 pm shannon sewell - sooo cute... love all the pre-school fun/eagerness/little peopleness. ah man.. miss that. i'm sure they had a total blast with this :) ~S

June 12, 2010 - 1:08 am Erin - I am in love with all of this... Can I please have some of these photos... not to put in the kids books, but just for me... I love what you captured of this day and now that it is all over it seems to have that much more meaning for me. :( I love love love this. Thank you for your time and expertise... xoxo

Fearless Living

Tuesday, June 1, 2010 Posted in Inspire, My Thoughts

I just got done reading another amazing book…”The Essential Laws of Fearless Living” by Guy Finley
I wanted to share a few quotes and thoughts this fine morning.

Remembering the truth of yourself…”Each effort will reward you with the growing realization that any time you start to feel miserable it’s only because you have mistakenly identified with who and what you are not.”
I know that just about everyone reading this can identify. We fill our days with labeling everything in site and creating expectation after expectation. Once we label something, the curiosity is then gone. Once we create an expectation, we set the stage for possible disappointment. The greatest tool I have gained to help with both of these learned behaviors is LIVING IN THE MOMENT.

“What is condemned is concealed; what is concealed never heals.”
Without my vulnerability this year, I wouldn’t have been able to heal so rapidly!

“Always remember that any thought or feeling that arrives tells you…compelling you…to hurry up and climb aboard its solution has come for only one reason: to carry you away from the Light within yourself that knows you have nothing to run from….ever.”
I love everything about this quote and this chapter on Taking Conscious Command of Yourself..it blew me away! I know that at any given moment there are always going to be many Pawns on my Chessboard that are in my life at them moment because I find them to be helpful in the healing (awakening) process. It could be a wise person, a supplemental drink, acupuncture, yoga, chiropractic care or meditation. Some of these ‘pawns’ may turn into horses and bishops and even queens. But the only way that any of these pieces that I have drawn into my life are going to help me is if I believe. I know now that there is something so strong within me that is healing me without the aid of any of these amazing tools. That is the “One Truth”…it’s me. God gave me this amazing body that was meant to heal. There is nothing on this planet that I don’t believe the body can heal…if we can just get our minds out of the way…or at least on board the healing train rather then the fear train.

“Whenever we find ourselves feeling like a powerless captive of some condition, it’s because we grabbed on to the false power of worry, fear, anger, self-loathing, self-pity to lend us strength…..Real power is knowing we already possess everything we need to succeed in the moment, as we would wish it.” WOW!!!!! I know that everything (and everyone) that comes to me is for the good of me. I know that everyone that comes into my life has a gift and if I choose to receive it, it will help shed light on a beautiful piece of who I am. I would encourage everyone of you to explore those possible feelings of uneasiness as you read any of this….ask why it is rubbing you the wrong way? Be curious to why you don’t feel like you are in control of every aspect of your life (even the out of control parts:).

Why is it that we aren’t able to see our reflection in everyone that we attract into our lives? I have an interesting task for you to try out that Guy created. He calls it the “You-I Maneuver” and I call it the “Sandpaper Effect”. You know that feeling when someone in your life rubs you the wrong way. When we are around people and we have a negative reaction to them for whatever the reason. Guy refers to it as feeling the need to tolerate someone and he says that this feeling could not reside in us unless something in us did not want to be around someone ‘like that’.” What would it look like to see a piece of you in this person being reflected back to you? What if you were to write out a list of things that this person is, that is so different from you…and then you flipped it to yourself…
you are stubborn……I am stubborn
you are a creature of habit….I can relate to your need for habit, because sometimes I crave it too.
You are superficial and all you care about is money…..I can be superficial at times and money can be very important to me.

So what would it look like to go towards the things that annoy you about the people that you ‘tolerate’ in your life? Some of these people in my organic garden of a life, have helped me to transform my life. Love your neighbor as yourself has a whole new meaning to me these days with these new tools. I know that there is a beautiful piece of me waiting to be reflected back to me in all people that come into my life. It doesn’t always have to be through conversation or a friendship. And sometimes that person is just in my life to shed some light on things that I have tolerated in myself for so long:)

I will leave you with this food for thought for all those out there that may think that I have “too many friends (how is that possible) or that I have gone on one too many tea dates;)
“Just as the wind moves through a tree and carries its pollen to the blossoms of another tree, our relationships are intended to help “pollinate” the soul so that true understandings of why we are here on Earth can flower within it.” My soul is on fire from all the amazing people in my life and I am so thankful for everyone reading this:) I am beyond thankful for my immediate family (Jake, the kids, Mom, Dad, Brothers and Sisters, nieces and nephews, Cousins, etc) and I so gracious for my extended family…all of you…my friends!

by kathycarlisle

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June 3, 2010 - 1:04 pm amy - So great you posted this today. I had an arguement with a coworker because it seemed he was being the "one upper" guy all he time. He called me out, said I was being competitive, I said you are the competitive one...then we laughed b/c we both realized we are the same! HA! Anyway, all the things that annoy me with people are traits of my own on different levels..and this post is a great reminder of that. I say we be like basketball and men.... and leave all the bullshiz on the court and learn to see the good in everyone and move on! Does that make sense? K, love ya, hope to see you soon! XO

June 9, 2010 - 12:37 am Alexandra - Thanks for posting this! I found the You-I manoeuvre the most interesting .. so thanks for sharing!

Faith

Tuesday, May 18, 2010 Posted in Inspire, My Thoughts

“Faith is a state of openness or trust. To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float. And the attitude of faith is the very opposite of clinging to belief, of holding on. In other words, a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe, becomes a person who has no faith at all. Instead they are holding tight. But the attitude of faith is to let go, and become open to truth, whatever it might turn out to be.”
Alan Watts.

I believe that one of my many prayers in the past century has been to have a stronger faith. As many of you dealing with a disease of any kind may know….once you begin your healing journey, the fork in the road goes from about 4 prongs (paths) to about 400 prongs. There is always a new path in front of me….new diets, new information, new symptoms, new people, new stories of healing, new stories of deterioration, new hope, and the list goes on. Well, I don’t think that I have ever been this AWAKE and conscious in my life. I know that I have a new faith inside me that I can honestly say, that on any given day good or bad, that I am exactly where I am meant to be. This to me is faith. I didn’t find it in the architecture of a church. I didn’t find it in the bible (don’t get me wrong…I know there are a lot of amazing answers in both places). I found it in the one place that God intended for all of us to go….in ME. I know that I am beyond blessed to have this perspective in my life so early. I know that I could have lived my whole life wondering what everyone else is thinking and doing. The way I was living wasn’t matching up to my prayers though….to be a better person, to have a stronger faith, to live a healthier life, to make a difference, to be an inspiration, to follow my instincts, or to be the best person that I could be”. I wasn’t going to find these answers in mainstream.

Remember the Nemo analogy that I refer to? The fast paced jetstream that we are all caught in, trying to climb on other people’s paths, but to no prevail we learn it is too slipper to stay on (the pace is all wrong for you and your family)? Then something (a diagnosis, an alarm of sorts in your body that you have been too busy to approach) shoots you out of the jet stream and you realize how peacefully, quiet it is in this new space. You just drift in silence and look back in at the chaos (mainstream) and know without a doubt that you don’t want to go back to all that. But as you are looking at all these new options in life and hearing your own voice for the first time…You look around wondering (wishing) if there is anyone else out here with you? I know that we all think that we are making conscious decisions all the time. And I wouldn’t say that this isn’t a true statement….I just think that we are more numb as a society then we want to ever admit. We want to follow the norm and fit in. We want to take the pill that fixes it all right now. We want to find someone else’s success story and follow their blueprints rather than adventure on our own. I’m talking about work life, diet, raising our children, or following a faith. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s great to learn from other paths and stories…..I just think that we need to be more conscious about our choices and trusting that we are exactly where we are suppose to be. What would it look like in your own life to be less “mainstream”?
Maybe you take your kids out of one of the 3 activities each that is cutting into family time and numbing your marriage.
Maybe you get off the antidepressants and really take some time to find some tools to heal the familiar pain on the inside for good.
Maybe it’s telling yourself that you will never go on another “diet” because you are changing your lifestyle.
Maybe it’s going on a marriage retreat instead of surrounding yourself with friends and parties where there is nothing but surface talk.
Maybe it’s learning how to say ‘no’ and not over committing to anyone but yourself.
Or getting out of that damn job that takes more from your happiness then it brings in. It’s suffocating your passion and slowly straggling that inner voice inside that has been telling you for years that you are suppose to be doing something different. What the hell are we waiting for! Who gave you the magic, crystal ball that tells you that you are guaranteed another 20 years? What are we all waiting for? I know that excuses make a compelling case….but, would they be so compelling if you were told you only had a couple more years to spend here on this Earth?

What if there is something in us that was specifically placed in front of us to wake us up? What ‘diagnosis are you sitting on…totally ignoring why it is in your life? What kinds of pills are you taking that you have accepted as a way of life. Have you learned to just deal with migraines, hormones, cholesterol, diabetes, MS;). However big or small, what if ‘it’ is in your life to WAKE YOU UP? What if you were never meant to carry it your whole life, or even for a month? What if you KNEW that your body could heal itself and you were the one getting in way? How could you adjust your life to get some balance?
I know that there is some strong science out there to hide behind for many of the diagnosises that we receive, or there are enough people on the internet that you have surrounded yourself with to make it more of the norm. But what would it look like to break out of all those boxes that we try to put ourselves in out of fear? When we say “It’s hereditary” is this the ultimate excuse not to do a thing about it. When we say that “it’s becoming more and more common and I’m actually in the norm”, is this to say that we are still trying to “fit in” in this world of so many unknowns. Because it you sit in the same box for too long..things get stagnant….you stop growing. We were meant to be the best that we can be and there is no ending to that. We don’t ever really reach our goal and say…”yay, I made it, I am officially the best I can be, I think I’ll stop growing now”;) Just look to nature to see what the lessons are. When we stop growing, we slowly stop living a little more each day. The new experiences stop because there is too much fear that we don’t even recognize anymore. Unwanted growths start clinging on because we aren’t even conscious of our stagnant life.

So take some time to look at things a little closer. Find the bravery inside of you to face your fears that you have gotten all too comfortable in. Find the courage to drop the labels that you no longer want to carry…or at least be curious as to what life would look like if you decided to try a new one on. Sometimes when we follow another’s path we can’t see the hidden dangers that lie ahead on out own. Can you see the hidden spider. He jumped out at my lens a second after I took this shot. I don’t know how comfortable I am with macro come to think of it;)

We all have an amazing strength inside of us that is at our fingertips any time that we need it. It is the most valuable tool that we could ever carry. It’s faith. Having the faith to know that everything is happening for reasons that can only be seen in the bigger picture. Trust that you have the strength to grow from any obstacle that is put in your way. Nature is always defying the odds and working miracles everyday. God has gifted us with valuable tools right in nature to teach us the most. So don’t take my word for it…or your pastors, priests, or whatever….go explore your faith and see what it looks like from the inside out. It doesn’t have to be fully understood or justified, it’s just a feeling inside that you know that everything is going to be ok, that you are not alone, and that you are loved. Sometimes we find just this is a community, a congregation, or whatever. But I know that the faith comes from within.
Today I grateful for the faith that has always be gifted to me, and that I am now consciously growing everyday.
“This is a new day. I am a new me. I think differently. I act differently. Others treat me differently. My new world is a reflection of my new thinking. It is a joy and delight to plant new seeds, for I know these seeds will become my new experiences. All is well in my world.”

by kathycarlisle

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May 18, 2010 - 12:45 pm britt - BAM! just like that....you've once again pulled my insides out....yet i feel more put together than ever... miss you.

May 22, 2010 - 9:57 pm llynskyn - furry yin yangy green brown water, oh how i desire to pet the water's edge the weedy crack in the rocks, the fecund fungi and lichen and moss, FAITH FAITH FAITH rock by rock...love love love you, thank you for so much faith in GGGGGGGGGGod

Dance of the Spirits

Sunday, May 2, 2010 Posted in Inspire, My Thoughts

The Cree call this phenomenon (the Aurora Borealis) the “Dance of the Spirits.” In the Middle Ages the auroras have been called a sign from God.
Well, I got my sign from God while I was up in Alaska a few weeks ago. This was a first for me to shoot this phenomenon. I have seen them so much growing up that at some point is lost it’s luster in my mind. Now that I am more awake and alive inside, I am able to see the beauty in the greatest place in the world to be raised:) I got to share this ‘first’, taking pictures of this “dance of the spirits” with Jake and my sister. The kids got to see them another night and I am sure it will seem like a dream one day to them:) All you can do is stare in awe and wonder how the heck something so beautiful can be before your eyes. It doesn’t get old!

“One of the great things is that we do not have to know, is the how. All we need is to be willing. The Universal Intelligence of your subconscious mind will figure out the hows. Every thought you are thinking and the words you are declaring at this moment are creating your future.” Louise L Hay

Are you the type person that wakes up on a rainy day and thinks that it’s going to be a crummy day? At one point in your life you decided that rain wasn’t acceptable weather. Probably because there are more of us out there that think this instead of seeing the beauty in the day. What is you dressed for the day. What is you didn’t curl your hair so you wouldn’t get mad if it got wet. What if you thanked God for the rain that will make everything around you green and alive. What is everyday was paradise with no rain….I think that phrase goes together like Sardines and peanut butter. You see if we got all our wishes, and it didn’t rain for a long time, imagine all the fear that comes with that. Drought sets in and a little more panic and frustration fill the air everyday that it doesn’t rain. Then it finally pours and we are thankful and relieved. Why don’t we live this way in the Northwest. Yes, it rains all the time. Do we have to put all the energy out on FB and in your words that it is a lousy day? “If it is really our belief that rainy days are lousy days, then we will always greet rain with a sinking heart. We will fight the day rather than flow with what is happening in the moment.”

So whether it is raining and wet or cold and amazing….we have to see the beauty in our day if we want to live a beautiful life. We have to find joy and happiness if we want to live a happy and joyous life. Just know that if you are putting frustrated, stressed out thoughts into the universe, then you will continue to attract a frustrating, stressed out life.

I have incredible sight that allows me to see such an incredible anomaly in nature.
I have an incredible mind that allows me to think intelligent thoughts.
I have a beautiful body that carries me through this amazing life.
I have a huge heart that allows me to feel all the love around me to fill my glowing spirit.
Today I am doing a little “spirit dance” inside because I am alive.
Today isn’t just an ordinary day…it’s another phenomenal day that I get to spend with my family.
I am filled with gratitude today and I am blessed to be able to have the words to share it will all you that are reading this!
Make it a great day filled with gratitude and maybe even Heavenly rain;)

by kathycarlisle

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May 2, 2010 - 11:12 am Erin - These pictures are amazing. I can only hope that someday I will be able to see this for myself. And about this rain... I love it. Always have. That is one of the main reasons that I love living where we do... I am a true NW girl and live for the nights when the rain is hammering on the skylights... :) I love this post and love that you have connected rain and life together so beautifully. :)

May 2, 2010 - 12:39 pm wrecklessgirl - INCREDIBLE!!!! i have yet to see this and i may come to norway next winter to see something like it .. i'm so looking forward to experiencing such a wonder!

May 3, 2010 - 7:37 am Elle J - I have friends that complain ALL the time about the rain we get in my neck of the woods. I have suggested many times that perhaps they should move to a warmer climate; and they laugh at me as if they don't have a choice! Ha! I too agree, accept the weather and live for the moment and the experiences it brings. GREAT photos. Would love to reach Alaska one day ~ bucket list.

May 4, 2010 - 3:05 pm llynskyn - my spirit dances, my feet float off the ground and wave lightly in the flow of silks upon colored silks. Love love love the lit horizon through naked branches soon to be leafed out like my mind on aurora borealis. with gratitude, sister of the lights

May 5, 2010 - 10:54 am Michelle Hajdukovich - Can't believe I missed this!

May 9, 2010 - 11:31 pm cindy - OH how I miss Alaska!!!!!!! The Northern Lights are such a faint memory to me, but you brought them back into my mind in a strong way. These images don't even look REAL!!!!!! Man, they are striking!!!!! That glow is unreal. And the power that they give odd in person is just awesome. Thank you for going out into the Alaska night to take these breathtaking images. And AMEN to your words!

Clarity

Friday, April 30, 2010 Posted in Inspire, My Thoughts

Yesterday was a day of all days. You know when you have those off days when you are just a little sad, lonely and frustrated and you don’t even know what you’re upset about? Well, that was two days ago. It started because Jake had to travel to Tacoma. So I stayed home and pouted all day until I didn’t even know what I was pouting about. Fast forward past all the sadness and silliness….yesterday…a day of clarity! Just like any of you that have been depressed at any point in your life…you know that it is usually because you are having a hard time moving forward on a decision. Or worrying about something and everything until you have pushed yourself into a state of paralysis. Once your soul has experienced this, it has a VERY good memory for that state of mind. So the slightest triggers can set that old record back on the player in your head before you know what hit you. But usually when you take that first step out of the mess, you feel invigorated, inspired, and have more clarity than you have had for a while.

I tried not to identify or process the day too much. I knew there were two things going on. One, was that I physically can feel when Jake’s heart is beating far away from mine (sounds crazy I know). The other is routine. If anyone knows me, I am not usually described as being a scheduled or routine person. With that being said, there are a couple times in the day that I absolutely live for….the kids coming home from school. The second is that 5:30 mark in the day. The moment that Jake walks through the door and I can hear the kids and dog going crazy with squeals:) When I got it in my head that that wasn’t going to happen, I started to feel lonely. It triggered me into that sad state of mind and there were no distractions that could take me out of it. At one point in the night I was making cookies for the kids and Tré was about to say something to me and he stopped mid-sentence and cocked his head. He says” Mom….can I give you a hug.” My shoulders dropped. The tension left my face and I felt like a little kid begging for the moment. I said, “Yes, I think that is exactly what I need Bud.” So we sat in the kitchen hugging and he yells to Jalena….”Jalena, look. Me and Mom are hugging for no reason”:) You’d think that would be a good distraction, and it was, it just didn’t stick long because it was fighting against a stronger emotion.

I know that I have mentioned it on here before or I have told you in person….but I always suggest to my friends to find a safe place in people around them to try a new ‘you’ out with. I ask couples if they are just that for their spouse or are they the ones going…’what are you doing trying that out, you hate that and you aren’t good at it.’ Well, Jake is my safe place. He has shown me how to be gentle with myself. He has created an environment where I feel like I can never fail as long as I am being true to me. He is one of the greatest teachers in my life…..
It dawns on me that he has taught me how to ignite the most crucial tool that I have been missing. I feel like I have found my super power…wanna know what it is?

It’s ME! So simple right! Why couldn’t I see it before? ‘I’ am my own safe place! I have all the tools to be whoever it is that I want to be. I have the knowledge of knowing that I am exactly where I am suppose to be and I am perfect just the way I am. Jake has helped me to see that I am the only one holding myself back from my dreams. And he does this all with minimal words;) he just sits back and waits for me to figure it out;) He was born with a comfort in his own skin and it would appear that he never learned how to speak down to himself. He doesn’t dwell on fear or worry and he has never used the word panicked to describe a feeling that he has ever experienced. I learned from the master….my master. I attracted that special person that carried all the right tools that I needed to gather on my journey through life to be all that I am suppose to be. He is my Yoda and I am the young Padiwan:) Amazing he is:)

So what advice would I give about the safe place now…be patient, be kind, be open, be gentle and just love yourself in new ways that you didn’t think were possible. You are the one that is holding yourself back from your own expectations. Find a mate that makes you want to be a better person…and then be the person that you want to be without stipulations and without all the damning thoughts that hold you back. My new voice in my head is saying things like…I can be a writer. I can be a dancer, a singer. I can be in love with myself:) It took me 35 years to really understand what self-love is. I have always liked myself and if asked, of course I would have answered that I love myself (with a sheepish giggle). But I have started to talk like I love myself at all times. This is going to take some years to master, but man, am I off to an exciting start!

This a picture that I will leave you with. The first shots and the below shot are from my dear friend Jesh de Rox. He asked me to think of everything that Jake has been to me this past year. To think of every amazing thought that I could muster about him. To think of all that I have learned from him. Then I was to paint that love onto his lens. The tears were too strong to hold back. I look at this picture now and I feel like my eyes are telling me the story that I am now ready to learn from.

I am in a safe place.
I love me and I forgive me. It was ok that I was scared, but now I have the tools to carry myself out of that state.
It’s ok to have moments of being overwhelmed, but just like his arms being around you, making you feel safe, I will be there for you as well.
You are an amazing person. Your beauty is radiating and you are attracting all the necessities that you need to be great.
Will you show me who you are.
I want to know you.
I want to love you.
I am so proud of you and I know that there is a scared little girl inside you still…but you are stronger than you know.
You’re fearless now….just be in this moment and know that you are exactly who you were meant to be, in the place that you are.

Love, ME

by kathycarlisle

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May 1, 2010 - 10:33 am Andi - Ok...now I have tears in my eyes! That is one emotionally powerful photo! Through our short encounters (and through your blog), I have learned so much from you...and continue to grow in my own skin. Thank you for being part of my life!! :)

May 9, 2010 - 11:21 pm Murph - Thank you so much for all your wisdom. I am 51 and just starting to like myslef... I am proud you found this now and not til you are 50+. I love you so much, and truely miss all of you. See you soon Murph

Shed

Thursday, April 29, 2010 Posted in Inspire, My Thoughts

Shed what no longer fits.

Shed what no longer works.

Shed what no longer helps you feel strong.
Shed old habits, old patterns, old relationships that
cause discomfort.

Shed that old and tired way of reacting.

Shed that insecure smile – the one that didn’t make
it all the way up into your eyes.

Shed the beliefs that detract from who you really are – no
matter what they are.

Shed any pounds you’re carrying – be they on your body
or your spirit.

None of these things ever worked anyway.

If you can’t see a good reason to carry it – shed it.

Tell me that doesn’t make you think! I am constantly talking about labels and trying to understand the long standing voices that are in our heads that we are unconscious of. We will continue to try to find places, new friends, and complete strangers to try on new labels.

Here’s an example of what I am talking about….If I go over to this group that are “granolas” and they have only just met me, and don’t know who I am or who I want to be…. I can pretend to be a granola with them and not feel judged. Verses trying this label on with friends or family that would be quick to play back all the things I have said in the past to set me apart from this lifestyle…ie…”I am a meat and potatoes kind of girl.” Here’s what I finally realize. It’s never been about my friends and family holding me in those labels I have created. I have made the unconscious choice to keep myself in those labels and I have also been unfair to my loved ones that they wouldn’t be my safe place to try on new ones.
Think about when you meet someone new. Maybe that person gets a picture of you from the get together and paints it to the next person with words such as…
“this is my friend Kathy….she is so beautiful. She’s incredibly inspiring, you should hear her story. She is so creative, open, and such a good listener.”
Now my learned reaction is…(they misunderstood me and have me in the wrong box…I was just pretending to be those things for a moment, but I am really this other person). So I would respond with…
“Oh, you’re too kind, but you have me mistaken. I’m not inspiring, my story is just like so many out there. I don’t think I am that creative because I am always just copying other artist’s art. I started out just like you and I just luck out every once in a while. Oh, and I am the worst listener ever. I am always thinking of the next thing I am going to say and then predicting how you will receive it, and what you might think of me.” Does this defense mechanism sound familiar. The sabotaging that goes on when someone is saying something great about us that we don’t believe ourselves?

I’m glad I am writing about these inner thoughts to show you and I both how silly we are. Why are we so quick to make sure that everyone we meet, sees us the way we see ourselves? Why are we the first to get in our own way when we are trying to be something different or see something with fresh eyes? When I tell myself that I want to be free….it’s free from myself. I want to be free of the labels that I have created and I want to see myself with fresh eyes. I am feeling overwhelming emotions coming to me in this moment (probably the dramatic music in the background that makes me feel like I am in a movie). Like a beautiful snake that is ready to begin fresh…I begin the process of shedding my old skin. I am no longer want to be the person that keeps getting in my own way. I release the old patterns and old language that are keeping me paralyzed from moving to my incredibly, intended greatness that awaits me:) Thank you for being my safe place to be the new me!

I don’t think I have ever asked to have you leave comments, but I want to try this out. I want you to leave a comment about you. Something that you wouldn’t admit somewhere else, something you have been waiting to try on. Something that you have never given yourself the freedom to accept. For instance. I am a morning person. Or.. I am curious about other religions. Or..I look most beautiful when I am trying something new. Give yourself the freedom to see yourself with those fresh eyes and tell me what it is you would see. I believe you. I will always be a safe place for you to try on that new you….or shed the old.

And I also want to leave you with this fun, little ditty that Jake helped me with the other day. This will be a fun feature to play with. Enjoy:) Sorry if it makes you dizzy because it is moving while you are trying to read this;) I’ll give it some space so you can scroll it out of sight.

SHED

by kathycarlisle

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April 29, 2010 - 8:31 pm Jo - I still do things to try to make my dad proud of me....and I am 43!

April 29, 2010 - 9:34 pm laura - Thanks for being real. Very inspiring. . . . about me - I like trying new things.

May 1, 2010 - 9:12 pm Kayla Hajduke - i let others decide how i am going to feel or how i am going to act... i am learning to be me and if someone doesnt like me then they dont need to be in my life...because i have family :)

May 1, 2010 - 9:13 pm llynskyn - I AM NOT AFRAID OF CONFLICT, I LOVE DISCOVERING SOLUTIONS WHEN STAYING WITH CONFLICT. i'm not even afraid of capital letters when they're worth carrying. Thank you for the strengthening post. p.s. the brown rake shed is gone with the old dog kennel and i'm ok shedding that

May 3, 2010 - 2:52 am Shannon Van Horn - I am a good person! I have a lot to work on, but I am perfectly acceptable as I am right now! That was scary! ;)

May 6, 2010 - 3:41 pm Eryn - I know I don't have to be perfect at everything, even though people still assume I think I do. I don't even try to be perfect at everything anymore. I have two little boys who leave me time only for the now, whatever that may be at that moment! And I am a-okay with that.

A Perfect Storm

Wednesday, April 28, 2010 Posted in Living Beyond, Love Stories

This is what I was meant to do! Join me on a journey of a mother’s day of all Mother’s Days. It’s an average day filled with events that are nothing to write home about. You know the days….wake up, change diapers, dress the kids, feed, change again, dress again, put them down for a nap while you clean…then start all over. But what if these were the most exciting days filled with the most amazing moments that you will treasure forever? This was a day that was nothing short of amazing. This is the day in the life of a beautiful mom of 3 under 3 and there is so much to write home about;) These are the everyday moments that I want to capture for families, couples, single people, pets, whatever. There are so many moments in a single day that we take for granted and how can we predict what or what may not be a memory for someone else.

When I showed up at my friend Deidra’s house, I didn’t tell her I was bringing my camera and that I wanted to spend the day capturing her everyday life as she is (right after birth and all). I can’t even begin to tell just how amazing the day played out and the beautiful story that I was able to tell. Her sweet hubby was going to be working late that night. The newborn was upset the whole time I was there for the first time ever (stomach problems from the night before). I am pretty sure that Deidra didn’t get a shower that day and she ended up having to put ice cream into her coffee because she hadn’t been to the grocery store so there was no milk. The afternoon started with this simple moment of waking the baby up…then all chaotic, beauty broke out from there.

Then it was “not so quiet time” with the baby before the other two woke from their nap.

Mind you….I don’t think Deidra ever asked me up to this point (or any point in the day) why the heck I was taking pictures;) I couldn’t have asked for a better subject! She is absolutely in love with being a mother and it shows every second of the day.

Then it was onto the next little buggy that woke up ready to tackle the world! I am in love with this image because it reminds me a little of all the old photos that I look back on and have fond memories of me and my mom in the kitchen.

As he was showing off with what appears to be his calling in life…it wasn’t long before the whole house was awake.

Number 3 awake! I know she will look back on this picture and have the fondest memory of her first big girl room. The littlest items in this room might strike a waterfall of memories in her bank down the road of life.

She took a while to examine what the heck I was doing with a big ol’ black machine in front of my face. I got the best shots of her curious eyes looking into the lens:)

Probably my favorite part of the day…meal time. Every mom can relate to days when you have, what feels like, no food in the house. The kids need to eat RIGHT now….and by the way…Mom hasn’t eaten yet! This is when the whirlwind began. I just remember Deidra taking one bite of her salad and she didn’t get a second one for about an hour after that first. I am pretty sure that it is an unwritten law that the baby will wake up at just the moment you are just about to inhale your first bite.

There were negotiations made. The were fits to be had. Messes to clean. And lots of precious moments to capture!

Right from eating Deidra set them up creative time with markers and wouldn’t you know (just like all my other great shoots of love) a heart appeared:) Can you even stand the proud face little man is wearing?

She had her own ideas of what she wanted to do with her creativity! lol It was so cute and Deidra and I laughed so hard:)

I caught this quick snuggle in their busy day when they just couldn’t hold back the love.

And this is when the love couldn’t be contained either and there was a tug-a-war, tattling, and tears that ended in the cutest timeout ever!

Then they winded down with story time and more snuggling in the most magical room in the house.

And waited for Daddy to come home so they could tell him about the adventures of the the ’simple’ day.

So about 200 pictures later…my thirst for real life was quenched. And I believe that I captured images that will be cherished for generations to come. This is the beginning of a journey for me that could not have felt more right and I am left dreaming about my next adventure. Thank you Deidra for being so open, vulnerable, loving and inspiring. I miss these days that I would have with my own 3 and I wish I could have had someone following me around on my busiest, ’simple’ days. I remember feeling so proud of these kinds of days (and exhausted…oh, and hungry:) You are an incredible mom that deserves to be bragged about. I think I will give you a 100% raise and the biggest promotion I can think of;) The passion that you put into your work is inspiring and your life makes me smile. Thank you for sharing that joy with me and those 3 beautiful little spirits that filled my soul!
To me, Deidra is living beyond today. She didn’t sneak off into the bathroom and put on a mask of makeup. She didn’t worry about posing and making the children look perfect. This is beyond the ‘perfect’ portrait and this is beyond my wildest dreams to be a part of someone’s life like this…I’m hooked:)

I almost forgot my favorite shot to end the perfect day:)

by kathycarlisle

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April 28, 2010 - 9:22 am cindy - Every family should have a "photo shoot" exactly like this: REAL, DOCUMENTARY STYLE, LIFE. Thank you for pouring your heart into what seems to be such simple everyday moments...and showing what they really are: works of art!!!!

April 28, 2010 - 9:25 am Lindsay - OK... I am drenched in tears right now! Deidra told me about this day, so I expected to see some beautiful photos. But OH WOW, this story and these pictures are even better than I imagined. Amazing, Kathy.

April 28, 2010 - 6:47 pm Shannon Van Horn - What beautiful babies! Man,I miss that age. And it is exactly these shots that bring back all the fond memories of the everyday life. Thanks for the memories!

April 28, 2010 - 9:09 pm John - Kathy, these pics are absolutely brilliant...I love the idea of catching Deidra off guard...Deidra, you are a wonderful mother and an inspiration to Linz and myself on what a parent should be :) And Piper is the cutest thing ever!

April 29, 2010 - 10:22 am Eryn - I am so in love with this post. Who wouldn't want these memories, unscripted. You are so right - that little girl will look at that picture when she's older and remember things about her childhood based on what was in her room. LOVE love love it.

April 29, 2010 - 5:29 pm kathycarlisle - I love you guys! I love that this and others posts touch you. It makes me feel 'seen'...Avatar-like:) I pour my heart into every project, but this one seemed to go deeper into my soul. Thank you for your support:)

May 1, 2010 - 1:43 pm Cassy - What a beautiful day for that little family! This was just the perfect push I needed to get moving on a capture our day project I've been dreaming of doing as a self-portrait type project for a few months. Thank you for your inspiration and for making memories that this adorable family will never forget!

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